Or I am convinced that I told him something, when I really only dreamed that I told him. Melody Brooke, a licensed marriage and family therapist, says two … On separate sheets of paper, each of you should write down the topic of a recent argument. When things are calm, try the following exercise with your spouse. Just stop talking. Own up to your part of the fight. For example, a husband... 2. It is impossible to avoid quarrel. 3. Different opinions should only lead to disagreements, not to disrespecting and demeaning the other person. Discover the Bible’s practical advice for husbands, wives, parents, and children. I know it puts my husband on edge when the house is a wreck, so I try to keep things tidy for his peace of mind. Get to the underlying issues. “Continue putting up with one another and forgiving one another freely.”​—Colossians 3:13. ». These ten practices aren’t theoretical; they are tried and true. “Different is not necessarily wrong, it’s just… different.” Stop trying to change your spouse to be more like you and learn instead to embrace those differences. Do so in a firm but loving way, and pray for wisdom and the right words to say before you broach the subject (James 1:5). AWAKE! How many marriages have been destroyed by the stubborn refusal of either or both parties to humbly extend such basic considerations? 5 Things Radical Feminists Got (Almost) Right, The A-to-Z Guide to Building a Better Marriage, 15 Unexpected Benefits of Big Family Living, 25 Ways to Raise Capable, Confident Children, Is It Wrong for Singles to Think about Sex? Could it have been overlooked? It’s almost inevitable that your spouse will occasionally do or say something that irritates you, yet it’s important to keep those feelings of annoyance from turning into anger — particularly when the irritation is mutual. How can you use what you learned to solve or prevent a future argument? by Barry J. Jacobs and Julia L. Mayer, AARP, June 9, 2020 | Comments: 0 For example, a husband might write, “You spent the whole day with your friends and didn’t call me to tell me where you were.” A wife might write, “You got upset because I spent time with my friends.”. We are committed to marriage in general and to each other in specific, and we can attest that these guidelines, coupled with God’s unsurpassed grace, have kept those disagreements from driving a wedge into our relationship and causing a split or an all-out war. His mercy. “Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. 1. I had not learned how to show respect.”. “All his spirit is what a stupid one lets out, but he that is wise keeps it calm to the last.”​—Proverbs 29:11. Like I was saying before, no one ever said you have to sit face-to-face across … When I offer an observation and it stirs debate, I back off and give away the topic to silent meditation. I was an attorney for a lifetime of litigation and negotiation. But first you need to find out why you and your spouse argue so much. Marriage Advice: Stop Having the Same Fight If you two keep having the same fight, break the habit and have a much happier marriage. Please share in the comments below. A disagreement does not have to become an all-out argument. For more on this topic, read this post. We have different personalities and do not always see eye-to-eye. 4. In my opinion, it’s completely normal to argue with your spouse, what matters is how do you make up after an argument. 5. This post will outline some very effective and helpful strategies that you can implement to avoid arguing and stop fighting with your spouse. Celebrate the fact they exist. No two persons are the same. If such a power is at play in your marriage (and to some degree, sin rears its ugly head in every relationship), you may need to address the matter with your spouse. How to Stop Arguing, Publication download options Even in the best of marriages, couples will occasionally “butt heads.” How do we keep conflicts from spinning out of control? It can be super-annoying, can’t it? Could it have been overlooked? Posted Nov 25, 2018 . What’s more, these principles (with the exception of #10) can be used to avoid arguments in your other relationships, as well. “You don’t need to drive it in and break it off.” – My dad’s advice to me whenever I’d perseverate on getting a point across. Once you have gently explained your point of view, challenge yourself to remain quiet and voluntarily grant that last-word privilege to your spouse. When you forgive — even (especially) if it is unsolicited — you protect your own heart from bitterness and resentment and keep your conscience clear toward God, who promises to forgive us as we forgive others (Matthew 6:14-15), “A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers.” – Ruth Bell Graham. Not only will your fighting increase your hostility and animosity towards one another, but they will also negatively affect your physical and mental health. Don’t generalize. For example, a dispute that starts with “You’re always late!” may not be about the need for punctuality but about one spouse feeling that he or she has been treated inconsiderately. Sent in a sin, you are one step closer to making up when peace is restored inside shell! And a barb I crawl inside my shell and want to avoid any exchange how to stop arguing with your spouse! Feel as if you don ’ t done it right sit face-to-face across … sit Beside each for. 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